Southern Comfort

I recently read a friend's blog post where she had confessed to reading an article that suggested Southern manners shouldn't be taught to children because they are demeaning given their historical context. This immediately made me think of similar complaints that we tend to hear in more frequency during the holidays.

The idea of not teaching children manners is unfathomable to me. It points to a fundamental problem with society; not only people's aversion to teaching discipline and respect if it has any relation to religion or an undesirable historical context, but also to an egotistical and illusory concept of entitlement masked by a desire for political correctness.

Look, I say yes ma'am and no sir, because it's how I was raised to show respect to my elders, strangers, and to those for whom I work. If you find it offensive, express that to me and I shall refrain from saying it to you, out of respect. But to get enraged because it was said to begin with, or for you to want such practices eliminated from a child's upbringing because you are so vehemently insecure, hyper-sensitive, think the world should bend to your will, or because they have some historical context which you find offensive is a little ridiculous.

Unfortunately, most of our history as a race is littered with war, slavery, death, slaughter, and sacrifice, but from those ashes and from that bloodshed we have emerged, evolved, and hopefully gleaned the positive to pass on to future generations. It's inconceivable to me that people continue to hold on to the past and to victimize themselves and entire groups of people. Everything we do today has roots in some pagan ritual, some form of organized religion, some travesty, a rite of passage, or as a result of overcoming adversity in order to survive. Perhaps we should get rid of Thanksgiving because Indians were killed and Christmas because, God forbid, there's a baby involved who was believed to be a forgiver of sin. While we're at it, let's stop calling our country America because, for all intents and purposes, its a term mired in the genocide of indigenous people.

Okay, so perhaps Christopher Columbus day is a little stupid. I'll give you that. But I am going to continue opening doors, offering my seat, wishing people a Merry Christmas, saying yes and no Ma'am, and eventually teach my children to do the same. I would venture to say that anyone who takes offense to such trivial cultural gestures of politeness has issues far beyond what can be fixed by the mere elimination of them. I don't get offended when a Japanese person bows as he greets me, when Muslims witness Ramadan, or when the Chinese celebrate the new year a month after the rest of the world has, and do so in the name of warding off a mythical lion who apparently is afraid of loud noises and the color red. Who would have thought?

In the spirit of good will, peace, and family, I think we should embrace each other's cultural differences and spread good intention and cheer, regardless of why or how we came to do such things. In the end, we can't change our origins anyway, we can however choose to take these opportunities to share in the merriment, company, and joy of others, whether there is a nativity scene under a tree or the faint glow of a Menorah's candles on a mantelpiece. In either case, I'll be having a few drinks.....I hope that doesn't offend you.

Good Reads

Whenever I mention Good Reads to people I often get facial expressions that suggest I asked them for a quart of blood, or if they know the exact distance to the moon. Due to society's digital addiction to social media, I imagine that most people would have heard about this site by now, but I guess it's never too late to learn you a lil sumthin sumthin.

So, Goodreads.com is somewhat of a social media site for people who like to read. It allows you to easily organize all of your books into different shelves, those you have read, are currently reading, and those which you would like to eventually get to. It has a great search engine, produces recommendations, keeps you updated on your favorite authors and genres, has book clubs, talks to facebook, and even links directly with amazon if you just can't wait to purchase something right away. As if those weren't enough features, it is similar to facebook in that you can add friends, see what they are reading, and read their comments about books they've reviewed. To get started, it scans your favorite email address to see if any of your contacts are already on the site. Me gusta.

The only thing I don't like about it, is that its newsfeed cannot be imported into hootsuite.com, another one of my favorite sites, that allows you to stream up to five social media sites for free onto one dashboard while monitoring or publishing to any or all simultaneously. It eliminates the need to have 5 different tabs open on your browser to update each individually. Brilliant. I'll talk more about hootsuite in another post. 

Goodreads has a reading challenge that keeps track of all the books you read in a year and helps you reach a specific goal. I like to think of it as a personal trainer. I picture an owl with a headband and sweats, pushing me to flex my brain for an extra page or two. I figure it was better than Richard Simmons in his nuthuggers. But hey, whatever motivates you. My goal this year is for a modest 30, which I'm pretty close to hitting. I think I may be closer than indicated, but can't remember the dates I finished certain books, so I'm not including those. When I do have the time to dedicate to fiction, time that isn't consumed by reading the Kama Sutra text books or articles, I generally keep a book a week pace. There's a widget on this blog that documents my latest reads. I don't always get around to posting my full reviews.

Anyway, for those of you who like to read, I thought I might suggest it. If you do decide to explore, or even be bold and sign up, my screen name is Mr. Poopie. His Sexy Caramel Highness and intrepid Ruler of the Universe was too long. Sometimes you just have to make small sacrifices...

Um, Your Bush is on Fire...

I recently read an article about some of the challenges that are preventing ebooks from becoming more widespread. In the article there was a side caption that mentioned cell phones being increasingly used as e-readers, a little nugget of information I find slightly harder to swallow than a Volkswagen beetle. One of the things that ultimately contributed to my purchasing an Evo (droid), over an iPhone was the substantially larger screen. 

Not only do I like the idea of being able to see more of pictures, movies, and text, but I also have large hands, which make navigating through screens of compressed text and icons increasingly difficult. However, even with considerable more putting green, I’m not inclined to nestle into bed or lounge on a couch to read fiction on tiny digital text.

Another attribute of smart phones that make it difficult for me to believe that droves of people are using them as e-readers, is their inappropriately short battery life. Even with animation disabled, screen brightness on its lowest possible setting, and all unnecessary applications closed, I find that battery life alone make using a smart phone as an e-reader pretty unrealistic. 

Don’t get me wrong, if I need to pull up directions on how to do something on the fly, read an article, prove someone wrong, or read reviews to a business or product I’m interested in, then using my smart phone to do so is not only prudent, but obviously better than the alternative. However, the last thing I want to do is replace a magazine, newspaper, or book with my phone. I’m generally not one to jump on a bandwagon on mere principle, but this is a trend I don’t see myself following even if a burning bush told me to do it.  

Hello Haiku....it's been a while.

Well, well, well....guess what today is? That's right, it's Haiku Wednesday; a trend I had almost forgotten and left to the wayside. But it has found new life! Feel free to join in...go on...you might even like it.

Tufts of hair and dirt,
Tumbleweeds across the plains.
Roommates are joyful.

Cacophonous chimes,

dishes find their rightful place.
Music to my ears.

The mighty pen sighs.
weak the padawan foe is.
No match for the force.

The night's messenger.

whispers soft the day's secrets.

The raven watches.

The dogs eat heartily.

covered is the yard in mines.

Never has she scooped. 

When regular porn just won't cut it...

I've always wanted to skydive...it just never occurred to me that I could do it while having sex. I suppose for some people, the thrill of jumping out of a plane isn't enough; apparently, neither is good old fashioned, regular, wholesome porn either. According to MSNBC.com, a porn star in California, who also happens to be a skydiving instructor, thought it would be a good idea to jump out of a plane while having sex with the secretary. No, I'm not joking, you can check it out for yourselves here. Although my imagination has been known to conjure up some rather fanciful and outlandish ideas, I regretfully admit that this would have never crossed my mind. (Well, okay, the secretary yes, but not quite in that context) I can understand why a person capable of doing porn would have come up with such an idea, especially one that moonlights as a skydiving instructor, but an innocent, mild mannered administrative professional? 

According to the article, the local police department has issued a statement about the incident saying that there are no criminal charges pending. Apparently, the creators of the indecent exposure and public nudity laws were not insightful enough to include sexual acts that occur at high altitudes. I wonder how this makes people in Nepal feel? I find this mildly amusing because, to my knowledge, temperatures at higher altitudes generally aren't conducive to blood flow, and anyone who's ever had sex while a fan was blowing on them, (don't ask) knows that personal lubricant is absolutely necessary. I'm assuming that a porn star would be privy to this information and would have been thoroughly prepared, but what kind of calculations might one need in order to figure out the wind to lubricant ratio before some serious chaffing takes place? See, I told you my imagination was robust. I bet you didn't think of that did you? I mean, if you're going to do it, you may as well do it right.

I have a feeling that we're not going to see the end of this skydiving tomfoolery. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if we see a commercial in the near future advertising personal lubricant potent enough for even the craziest of adventure seeking genitals. I may have been beaten to the punch on the whole skydiving thing, but that commercial idea is all mine. 

Protest this...

I used to think that protests were a waste of time, particularly those aimed at corporate powers or the government. I mean really, besides creating unnecessary pressure on local law enforcement and fodder for the news, what do they really accomplish? What do they change? Over time, I've realized that my feelings were such because we haven’t had a reason to seriously fight for a worthy cause in a long time, whether it was for independence, allowing women to vote, or to end segregation. The idea of protesting against the government seems like a vain endeavor, very much David and Goliath without the voice of God or impeccable aim to guide our ammunition. How is it that this attitude exists when it is the government that was created to serve the people?

The more I ponder the current status of the political game, corporate greed, climate change, and the ever increasing abyss between socio-economic classes, the more I realize that now is as good a time as any to assemble in protest. Our current president alluded to much of this need with his campaign message of change. He was right; we were just foolish to think that he could do it alone. We thought, somehow, that casting a vote and then going back to our entitled lives of lattes, smart phones, and miniature dogs, that things would magically change.

You can’t really blame us though can you? In essence, we have become entitled. We are a society fraught with the entitlement that comes with instant gratification. With the spawn of the internet and our ever powerful handheld devices, we have been conditioning ourselves to believe that things such as the economy, the presidency, and the attitude of millions can be changed as quickly as we can change our facebook status. 

However, what we’re failing to realize is even though women can now vote and we can all drink poor tasting, bacteria-infested water from the same fountain, protests are still needed now more than ever. We have enjoyed years of economic growth and supremacy, and in our complacence we’ve allowed politics and corporate America to grow into powerful, monopolizing behemoths; enormous conglomerates run by CEO’s more concerned with their elite financial status than ethics. Wall Street, lobbyists, and the insanely wealthy continue to take advantage of legal loopholes that do nothing more for the economy than they do for bridging the gap between financial classes. 

Protesting isn’t just a right, but a civil duty. If we’re going to turn things around, we have to demand transparency with political campaign funding. We must demand that corporate greed be punished, that the affluent pay appropriate taxes, and that the attitude towards education and health insurance be shifted. How is it possible that we continue to lay off dedicated, loyal, intelligent, and ethical educators, but grant huge bonuses to CEO’s in charge of organizations mired in legal trouble and financial ruin? I don’t know about you, but I know who I’d give a pink slip to.

King of Popping Pills...

Apparently Michael Jackson is still capable of taking over the media with his escapades even in the afterlife. Schamone! I was listening to the radio coverage of Dr. Conrad Murray’s trial, the physician who was administering potent sedatives to the King of Pop, and in my professional opinion, something is seriously amiss.

The doctor is being charged with neglect and involuntary manslaughter, and what I find interesting is that the defense’s case is Michael Jackson killed himself by taking a bunch of pills after the doctor had left the room. Now, I’m not a lawyer, forensic scientist, or even a criminal justice major, but neither am I an idiot. If a doctor is supposed to be keeping a close eye on patient who is taking powerful sedatives leaves a room, and keeps a bunch of medicine within arm’s reach of that barely coherent patient so that an overdose is possible, then that in my mind is the very definition of neglect.

Providing in home patient care with medications administered only in hospitals without the presence of medical staff is already dangerous and requires extra degrees of vigilance. The mere fact that the doctor left the room under the circumstances underscores gross neglect and medical malpractice. Conrad Murray violated the first tenet of the Hippocratic Oath, which is to do no harm, regardless of whether the defense’s proposition that Michael committed suicide is true or not.

To top it all off, neither when the medics arrived on the scene, nor when MJ was taken to the hospital did Conrad disclose the medications in the patient's system. I don't know whether or not that could have made a difference at that juncture, but that is far from the point. Everyone knows that by telling doctors what medications are present in the body increases the chances of survival and minimizes the chances of administering a lethal combination of meds. How is it that Conrad had two opportunities to do this, but let it slip his mind?